If you follow me on social media, you know there is no shortage of love or footage of Zara. I consider my daughter to be the most happy-go-lucky, sassy (in the best way), smart two-year old this side of the Mississippi. And yes, we take a LOT of pictures of her.

Want know why?

Because I worked so hard to get that little girl on the planet! I’ll spend the rest of my life showing her off proudly! Pregnancy was hard. Not the kind of hard that should discourage you from having children, but it was still hardddd!

Crying spells, swollen ankles, the vomit (oh the vomit), weight gain. Poor Tim. I think he saw my head spin on my shoulders a few times. Let me just tell you, pregnancy hormones are REAL!

After nine grueling months of making a human, Zara arrived in all of her sweet baby glory. Just as we had planned. Tiny fingers, button nose, sweet baby smell. She was perfect. It still is one of the happiest days of my life.

And then something happened that we didn’t plan. I began to get anxious, worrying constantly about Zara’s well-being. Is she hungry? Is she colicky? Is she breathing? Is she developing normally? I was always worried that others weren’t holding her right or that they were going drop her. It was an overwhelming worry that consumed every corner of my mind. I struggled to complete tasks, nurture friendships, enjoy my marriage, leave my house.

I began to wonder if I had Postpartum Depression. Just the thought embarrassed me. Here I am, blessed with this baby and I am unable to enjoy her like all the other moms because I was consumed with anxiety. I felt like a bad mom.

Beyond that, the only instances of Postpartum I had seen where of women that we contemplating self-harm or hurting their babies. I didn’t identify with that. I was just a constant, tangled up ball of nerves: a little snappier and a lot more content to be a home, alone, on my couch, alone, in sweatpants, ALONE.

Not one to spare details of my life, I shared how I was feeling with a few people. The reactions were varied. Some consoled me with hugs and words of encouragement. Others chided my transparency or questioned the degree of my struggle.

“A lack of sleep can make you feel a bit crazy”, one person responded. True, but I knew something felt...different and not in a “I-just-need-fifteen-hours-of-sleep" kind of way, but in a “every-little-thing-is-setting-me-on-edge" kind of way. Things that normally wouldn’t bother me DID and my reactions wouldn’t fit the situation. I felt like a very, tightly coiled wire that was ready to snap at any moment.

Finally, I drummed up enough courage to talk to my doctor about it. I remember sitting on the exam table in an ill-fitting blue gown (I hate those things) and wiggling my legs back-and-forth while I nervously rambled off everything I had been feeling.

My doctor’s reaction? “It’s normal.” And I have never been so happy to be “normal” in my life! My doctor explained that 1-in-7 women have Postpartum Depression (PPD). He reassured me that I was not alone & helped me process ways to get better.

“He told me I wasn’t crazy.”

So, what does are symptoms of PPD?

(I've highlighted ones that affected me)

Lasting sad, anxious, or “empty” mood.
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.
Feelings of irritability or restlessness.
Loss of interest in hobbies and activities.
Loss of energy.
Problems concentrating, recalling details, and making decisions.
Difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too much.
Overeating or loss of appetite.
Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts.
Aches or pains that do not get better with treatment.
Crying more often than usual.
Feelings of anger.
Withdrawing from loved ones.
Feeling numb or disconnected from your baby.
Worrying that you will hurt the baby.
Feeling guilty about not being a good mom or doubting your ability to care for the baby.

What should you do if you feel like you’re experiencing PPD?

One of the most challenging things for me to figure out was WHO DO I GO TO FOR THIS? Do I go to my general physician, OB or do I need to find a psychiatrist?! I scoured the internet for info and, considering how many women experience PPD, there is very little information with on what to do if you think you might be struggling with it. Here it is-

GO TO YOUR OB/GYN

I can guarantee that your doctor sees this all of the time and will help find a solution that works for you!

Life after a PPD Diagnosis

Confident in my doctor’s opinion and freed by the notion that my experience was common, I shared my diagnosis with others. After all, there are obviously a lot of other moms that deal with this too, right? I mean, isn’t it okay to talk about it since is happens so frequently?

It wasn’t---at first.

Initially, I was met with a “don’t tell anyone else about this” and a “are you sure you really have THAT?” But the more I kept leaning into the idea that I wasn’t alone, the more the silent gazes turned into head-nods and “I’ve-felt-that-toos".

There are so many of us who are silently enduring Postpartum Depression because it's been so severely stigmatized. The irony is that finding community with other moms was what actually helped me feel better!

Tim played such an integral role in helping me- he was my rock and I'm forever grateful for his love & support. After some time, prayer and transparent conversations with others, I finally starting feeling back to my old self. Today I'm at a place where I can enjoy Zara in all of her glory (while still donning my old sweatpants.)

If you’re reading this, and you’ve dealt with the “baby blues” or outright depression- you aren’t crazy! Your body has worked tirelessly to form a tiny baby in your belly. You are not alone either. The best part:

It doesn’t last forever.

Photos is this post provided by Temi Coker

My Experience with Postpartum Depression